Duty bound
Dear Corporate Shrink,
I am a 24 year old woman with a master’s degree in English literature. I’m currently managing a bookstore and contemplating going for my Ph.D. and teaching. My father owns a publishing and marketing company with about $15 million in revenues. My younger brother is 19 and a freshman in college. He says he has no idea what he wants to major in, except maybe partying. Our father is in his late 50’s and had a heart attack last year. Two weeks ago he asked me to come into the business and eventually run it. He feels confident I could do it with the help of management training and a mentoring program over the next 3 or 4 years. I know a great deal about the business having worked in it throughout my adolescence. I’m engaged to be married in six months to someone who is in the publishing industry. I haven’t mentioned it to him yet since I think he might see it as a good opportunity for us but I’m not sure that’s what I want to do. I feel selfish and scared. How should I be thinking about this?
Dear Duty bound,
You are wrestling with an extremely difficult question and you are not alone. Every year hundreds of sons and daughters have to decide whether to join the family business. The intricate process of self-definition and identity formation of young adults is made more complex by the existence of family ties to a business. You are not selfish. You have to make the right decision for you or it won’t be the right one for those around you.
You ask "How should I be thinking about this?" Well, first, it requires finding the time and space for some quiet self-reflection. You need to listen to your own internal voice. What do you want?
Articulating a personal vision is no easy task. You want to ask the right questions and reflect on the answers. There are books that can serve to guide you through the process. My personal favorite is The Path of Least Resistance by Robert Fritz. Engaging a coach or counselor experienced in facilitating the process of knowing oneself can be extremely valuable.
You need to fully examine your motivations for entering the family business. Are you doing it to please your dad? Are you concerned about his health problems and feel obligated to somehow keep him healthy? Can you really do that? Or are you motivated by a career challenge that excites you and that you believe can be rewarding � financially and emotionally?
You have to try to see yourself working and existing within the family business system. Do you and your father have a cooperative relationship? How do you and he picture this mentoring process? Will it be clearly defined? Who will mentor you? Would it be wiser to work for another company first? Will he be truly ready to let go of the business in 3 or 4 years? What are the communication patterns in the family? Is the family flexible enough to accept you in a leadership role? What about your brother? What if he requests to enter the business after college? Will he be asked to gain experience elsewhere first?
Is there a family business dream that is shared by all? Such a shared dream is the foundation for prolonged success.
Your assumption is that your fiancée will encourage you to accept your father’s proposal. Does he see himself becoming a part of the family business? What role would he serve? Will your family accept him?
Many of the same questions regarding acceptance and collaboration have to be asked regarding key non-family employees of the business. How would they perceive your, and possibly your fiancée’s, entry into the business?
If you estimate that your career and life goals dovetail with the family business vision; you sense that your father, family and significant employees have fairly healthy and flexible communication patterns to deal with change; you and your fiancée share a vision for your roles in the family business system; and, you both recognize the challenges of balancing family and business and are up to the task � you still need a realistic assessment of your skills and what you would need to meet the challenges of preparing for the position your father is offering.
Before jumping on board, you may want to conduct a litmus test consisting of a family discussion of ownership and succession planning issues. Such a process could unearth potentially serious problems revolving around issues of sibling rivalry, ownership and control, and you father’s ability to really "let go". This may persuade you and your fiancée to pursue your current professional paths instead. On the other hand, you may find that everyone shares the same family business dream and a working plan to reach it. This could be so invigorating that the decision to join in the family business system would be, not out of duty, but out of joy.